eclectik’s “Guy friend theory”
I’ve always said it’s tough/hard/near impossible for males to make new male friends once they get past a certain age.
It’s my own eclectik theory.
See usually a guy’s friends…male friends are guys he met in grade school, High School, or College.
SOMETIMES you may get cool with a co-worker…but they are typically not as close as the others.
Because it’s “gay” to try and hang with people you dont know/didn’t grow up with LOL
Think about it…how and where do guys meet? Where are guys at together where they have to talk to each other anymore?
No where.
School? You have to be there…you interact.
Work…sure.
But…
Gym: Nope, you dont talk to men there
Club: Nope, you’re tryin to get on dem bitches
Mall: Nope, who stops to talk to other guys
Bar: Not if there’s bitches there son
…which brings me to the sports theory.
The only way males will interact with other males that they dont know is where sports are involved.
And the type of sport, the team, and the interest/knowledge…is very important at that.
You’re at a bar and the game is on (and there’s not fine women there) you may talk to a guy about the game and sports…
If he’s the fan of the right or wrong team…if he knows what he’s talking about, and he doesnt say something stupid you MIGHT continue to talk to him
…but it doesnt go past that.
It’s not like it’s hey…lets get together and watch another game sometime…or you should come over some time…we should go shoot pool or whatever…that’s “gay” for whatever reason
(Even if you dont agree personally, you have to abide by it being “Gay”)
Now the addendum to that is if there’s a fight party or Super bowl party, or a get together involving people or whatever…you may let them know about that
…but even then the guy may not come if there’s no inference that bitches are gonna be there or if you dont seem ‘cool’ enough.
Which brings me to the one thing that no male will ever admit (cept me)…
If the guy doesnt look/seem like he can get women
…he will not befriend them.
As “Gay” as everything in male friend making seems to be…guys will not be friends with a guy that they think that women will think is ugly
UNLESS he sees that guy has a lot of female (fine female) friends.
Men dont “Check out” a guy…but they look at him…how he dresses, etc etc. if he doesnt seem like he can get women or whatever…Nah.
So gay and corny…but true.
Also…
Ladies, men will never be friends with each other if you introduce them…if both were interested in you at any point in time.
They must do it themselves.
eclectik theory:You’re at your place ladies…a guy is over (regardless if he’s a friend or your man) another guy comes over…say to bring your Alicia Keys CD back
(Doesnt matter if he’s a friend or your man or what) If he comes over and you invite him in and say: “Hey Guy 1 this is Guy 2″
It’s all: ‘sup’ …they dont like each other.
BUT
If you invite them in and be like…”oh let me put this somewhere or let me go get something” and you leave them alone together
…say a game is on…or a movie…one guy would comment on it like “Damn I hate Kobe” or “This is that part right here” …the other guy would be like “Nah Kobe is the man/I hate him too” or “Yeah this is that movie seen it 5 times”
They are kickin it by the time you come back…men never want to be introduced to another man by a woman
Anyway…back to the man friend joint…
Once you get “Grown” a man just cannot do things he could do with guys that he could when he was younger if theres no women involved UNLESS it’s with people he grew up with or knew from way back when
My best friend? We could:
Watch DVDs
Sit up and talk shit all night
Play Madden
Argue Hip Hop
Drive around and play old school music and bullshit
Play Cards
Go to the mall and people watch and clown strangers
Whole buncha ish…no women involved (even though women will come up and /or we’d be in the pursuit of women at all times) but that’s friend ish
Outside of play madden…most of those things with a ‘New’ guy or friend is “Gay”
…watchin a movie…What would Riley say?
Plus with me…being a transplant (From another state) you don’t even have the be out and see people you use to know/went to school with and hang out thing…and the best friends are still in the home state
So it’s even worse..And the “New type of guy” that’s out these days is worse than the females
They are messy, haters, extra competitive for women attention…all that besides me<– I’m a different type anyway.
I dont club…I’m not a bar fly..Im not in the constant pursuit of ass
I’ma laid back guy…I’m good with a sports bar…shoot pool, play madden, talk ish and build on Hip hop or something
They don t make my type no more.
That’s why I get along better with women: We can talk clothes, Home design, Top Model, Runway…other women…they ask me why come men do XYZ etc etc.
Told you if I could find a woman that played spades, scrabble and monopoly and liked football, TV and movies…while being sexy…I’d be golden LOL
Anywhoo…meeting men?
Women I dunno how you do it.
If the guy doesn’t look/seem like he can get women
…he will not befriend them.
-That’s interesting…hmm…now I see why men tend to flock to other attractive men…I always thought that was gay, but actually…they are looking for someone to pull the women for them…hmm…
The introduction thing is also interesting…I always feel a chill whenever I introduce one guy friend to another. Interesting…I’m taking notes here.
Worse than females? I will let that one go too…I think I get what you mean…you’re pretty much saying they act like bitches…oops, now here I go…
I don’t know how we meet men either…but funny, I typically get along with men better than females…I am not too quick to trust another bitch…oops, there I go again.
LoL its the truth men don’t meet men. They always have the same friends from childhood. Or who they met in high school or undergrad. And yeah it is kinda HOMO for a grown ass man to randomly go into deep convo with another random man.
Women IDK guess it depends on the woman. Because I have had the same female friends for yeeeearz. Don’t really want any more friends. Satisfied with what I got.
And when I go over one of my home boys house and its a chick ova I don’t speak to her… I might say how u doin but that’s about it. But I’m rude anyway so I might just smile and keep it movin.
I see what you’re saying…I guess it is pretty tough for a guy to meet another guy after a certain age. It would seem pretty gay for a guy to meet a new guy and go on guy dates…lol. Most guys I know they’re friends are either co-workers, or childhood/school friends…very interesting.
I’ve never noticed that when I introduce one guy to another guy they don’t talk…guess I’m not that observant. plus I don’t introduce too many guys too each other. lol.
Its easy for me to make female friends…but the new ones I have I’ve met through childhood/school friends or my sorority.
This was pretty interesting though…
You are right on the money dude. I have nothing else to add. Good job explaining it all.
lol, its funny. I mean, generally, it has some valid points. Although your points of men being messy, extra competitive, haters etc. speaks more about what I think the issue is. I think that guys, and maybe rightfully so, are just as judgmental as women are past a certain age. We look at guys, like you said, and size them up as to what they got with ‘em. I am passed the age where it’s cool to sit around and smoke weed and drink all day. When I was a teen, it may not have been the move, but if we were in school together, we may have still kicked it out to some club or whatever, but now, I don’t want that in my life. So, I pass judgment (so to speak) on you as this that or the other.
I don’t really know that I have met any messy guys (define messy?), extra competitive, or haters(again, in what sense?) per-say. But I have met guys whose ideas and modus operandi were in direct contrast (and not in a good way) with mine.
My father was only one friend…
Its so weird……
Men just don’t make friends after a certain age–
When the question comes up:
“Why does my girl have so many male friends?” or “Why does my man have so many female friends?”
Because adult guys becoming friends with other adult guys, is gay. It’s genius! LOL.
Interesting post. I learned something new about men that I had not observed. I don’t have many male friends, except the ones I work with, and we don’t spend much time together outside of work in the right settings. So I haven’t witnessed some of the scenarios you described, but they do make sense. It is just as hard for women to make new female friends past a certain point/age too, but for different reasons.
First theory is that between college and a few years after we begin to establish ourselves in the real world, our core group is set and we don’t feel a need for more girlfriends.
Second theory is that we just don’t like or trust each other. I’m obviously generalizing here, but women compete with, compare to, then try to impress each other all at the same time — especially when it comes to men (meeting and getting them). It is unspoken, but it is there. That’s why when we meet someone new, even if we think she’s cool, there can be an undercurrent of distrust, suspicion or caution. This does not apply to all women, but I don’t think it is uncommon either. It really is a shame, we are our own worst enemy. . .
see…this is why you’re so effin fly. cause you keep it so damn real. you break it down to the intricate details and even point out the ish we don’t really know or want to admit.
we could chill any day of the week.
Love!
I don’t know how men meet and become friends, and i guess it’s not my concern…i see/read men on blogs that have become friends. Me, i have no problem becoming friends with other women, because i never see them as a threat, thats something that comes with maturity, don’t do the hating thing, don’t do messy and all that crap, so if you cool with me, i’m cool with you and we can hang. I’ve got old friends and new friends, and keep adding as i go along…i guess cuz i’m comfortable with myself, who i am, and not, and no one can make me deviate from that.
E,
I completely agree with your theory on this one. The last time I made a male friend was in college. I talk to dudes at work about sports or women and we’ve hung out at a sports bar or something but nothing beyond the surface.
You big Dr. Phil theory havin’….breakin’ it all the way down…truth tellin’…#1 blog havin’….
BTW, Even though I love Kobe, I was geeked when Chris Childs gave him that two piece.
You know, the only thing I have to say about this post is that the pictue of Diddy an ‘nem is the SADDEST thing I’ve seen in a while. *SMH*
lol
is it really that serious?
lemme stop
i get it
one more reason to add to the list of why being a woman is betta
As a woman, I can’t speak from experience on the whole male friendship thing, but I definitely have observed exactly what you’re saying!
I do think that it’s just as difficult for women to make new friends too though!